


Gravity of Love

by DarkMage13



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, Legit it's just Xemnas trying to figure out how feelings work, Mini Slow Burn, One Shot, Xemqua, also learning not to be an ass, post-kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 12:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20948618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMage13/pseuds/DarkMage13
Summary: Turn around and smell what you don't see. Close your eyes... it is so clear now.His name was Xemnas. Her name was Aqua.The tides pulled at his heart. The light shimmered from her soul.





	Gravity of Love

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction was written for the KH rarepair zine Missed Connections.

_Gravity of Love_

He floated in the void. His breath was choked by the rumbling water surrounding him. Bubbles pulled themselves off the leather of his coat and fled to the surface.

How long had he been here? The question lingered in his mind. He was created not through natural means, but by playing a game. Every move was calculated, each move with the nature of darkness in mind.

Something lingered within his memories. It wasn't his own, or that's what Xemnas thought. He knew that all his memories from before his creation were not his. Nothing belonged to him. But not all memories belonged to Xehanort. No, these belonged to another. He kept his eyes closed in contemplation.

Ah, his last words before the darkness choked him away.

It must take incredible strength.

Pain. That was the first feeling he had. This wasn't physical; he had that before when he was struck down by the warriors of light. This was pain produced by his own heart.

He wanted to laugh. He had a heart now. Yet he was trapped, suffocating in the endless darkness. This was his just reward for the pain he caused.

It must take incredible strength.

The best memory he could recall wasn't like the others. It was something...warmer. Brighter. The experiments his past life conducted were cold, uncaring. All in the name of research. The warm memory was nothing but…compassion. Laughter. A smile.

What was the name that held that smile? He knew he once regarded her as a friend.

In the endless void he floated in, he could feel a shadow of her presence. She was here, once.

Echoes upon echoes rang in his ears as he thought more and more of her.

_You're too late._

Her pain was like the waves pushing and pulling at him.

_All that is left in my heart is misery and despair, and now you can share it!_

Misery, despair…The only things he was truly familiar within his heartless existence. She felt it too, in full force.

"Aqua…" His deep voice drew out each syllable, the name harmonious and elegant on his tongue. His voice was still choked, her name drowned out to his ears.

"Can you hear me?"

His eyes snapped open. That was her voice. Not an echo.

A spark of light from the dullness above caught his golden-orange eyes. He moved his arms forward, the coat resisting in the water-like void. What was this light, and why was her voice so close by?

He reached his hand out towards that light. As he swam closer and closer, the light became clearer.

A hand. A gloved hand. A dainty calloused gloved hand was the source of the light.

Something in his heart propelled him forward. What was this?

His hand grasped hers and she pulled.

Blaring dusty sun blinded him when he broke for air. His silver locks stuck to his cheeks, his coat threatening to drag him back down into the water. Blinking his eyes of any water, the world became clear to him.

Clouds hovered around him. He was in a shallow pond, surrounded by mountains scraping against the blue sky.

It was too much. Too bright. The dark void he was banished to was better than this.

"Are you…No, you're not. He's gone."

The melodious concerned tone of Aqua's voice came from his side. Xemnas turned to see her kneeling in the grass on the side of the pond.

"You're…You were…" Aqua said, trying to process his appearance.

Right. He was a shadow, an echo, a nobody belonging to her greatest adversary. He wasn't just him, he is a mere byproduct.

His stomach twisted at the thought. She must be repulsed by his hair, his eyes, his tight jaw…

No, his jaw was not Xehanort's. That belonged to…

Xemnas looked away. "I was. We've never fully met however, Aqua." With each word he was slow, deliberate in each syllable, drawing them out so she would understand completely.

She was taken aback by his utterance of her name. "Who are you? Why…How...Are you..."

"My name is…" he paused, unsure how to proceed. _Of no importance._ That was his go-to answer every time he was even asked that question. He had abandoned his old name, the one he knew in a previous life.

Xehanort.

But now his name did count. The memories of Xehanort once controlled, but of late the memories of another surfaced. He looked at Aqua again, his expression ever remaining neutral save for the times he smirked in glee at the pain of his enemies and successes.

_"Oy, sometimes you're such a girl."_

_"Hey, what do you mean 'sometimes'?"_

"Xemnas."

"Xemnas?" Aqua said his name back to him, testing it on her tongue.

He waded through the pond and pulled himself out. He shook off his soaked coat to reveal his drenched black tank and pants. He wiped the remaining droplets off his arms and his face. Looking up and across the mountains through the clouds he spotted a castle in the distance with golden chains. "Ah, the Land of Departure. How…quaint."

Aqua stood up. "Are you still…A piece of Xehanort?" She said, her knees bent and her hands in front of her.

He smirked. "How long has it been since I abandoned that name?" Picking up his coat he turned his head to look at Aqua, still in her defensive stance.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_"I've seen what you've done. You shouldn't put yourself so close to the darkness."_

"I suppose I should thank you for pulling me out of the endless darkness," he said before walking away, heading up the peak of the mountain.

"Hey!"

He stopped in his tracks.

"You could have said it nicer," she said, her brows tight as she almost went into lecture territory.

He wanted to laugh. Who was she to berate him? He stopped that thought. He wanted to laugh. _Laugh._

"Hmph. Alright, how would I even begin to say it?" he asked her, not even bothering to turn around to face her.

She crossed her arms. "Just a simple 'thank you' in a sincere tone would do."

That's it?

"Thank. You," he said back to her, proceeding to walk away.

A smirk curled up on his lips as the sound of her frustrated sigh reached his ears. He continued his trek up the mountain, coat flapping in the breeze as he ascended into the clouds. He knew her footsteps weren't far behind.

When he reached an overlook in the mountain, the sun was falling behind the clouds, painting the sky a mix of rosy pink and flaming orange. He climbed onto a boulder on the overlook. Clouds rolled by beneath his feet.

"Why have you followed me?" Xemnas said out loud to the woman standing behind him.

Aqua shouldn't have been surprised he caught on, but she was anyways. "I…"

_Thump._

_Thump._

"I wanted to ask where you were before I pulled you out of the pond."

He flicked his hands out, looking to the sky. "Ahh. Serving my just-reward for my transgressions."

No war.

No inherent desire to yearn for something he lacked.

No lust for power.

Well…Maybe a little.

"Are you sure you want to be alone up here? It seems…lonely," she said.

Truth was, he didn't know. He was constantly in isolation, used to it as much as breathing. "I suppose I do."

She came over and climbed onto the boulder next to him. They sat in silence, unsure of how to proceed.

"They loathe to see me breathe," he said. "I believe your…friends would rather forget my nefarious existence."

Aqua couldn't deny it, not in the slightest.

The sun would fully set in only a mere few minutes. Time to depart.

She slid off the rock. "Um…Well, I will…See you later?"

He turned around to ask her if she truly meant it but she was already gone.

The first thing he did as he watched the moon was snap his fingers. Wisps of darkness flickered out. Ah. His darkness was not as strong. He was weak.

Xemnas continued to pull the energy of his dark heart forward; eventually, he managed to get a half portal out. With each snap, he thought about what exactly pulled and pushed other hearts into breaking. Suffering. Darkness.

Anger. Pain. Rage. Isolation…Loneliness.

The sun began to rise. How long was he thinking about this?

Footsteps approached.

He wanted to say he feigned surprise, but he indeed was surprised she came back.

And was holding a basket in her arms. "Hey, I figured you'd want something to eat." Aqua set the basket down on the rock beside him. "I have to go, but if you need anything…" She sighed. "I am…"

He remained still as she tried to spit out the proper words. She pouted, unsure of how to say what she wanted to say.

"I'm waiting," Xemnas said, blunt and empty in his tone.

She let out an 'hmph' of frustration and almost stomped her way down the overlook.

Xemnas laid himself down on the rock face, staring up at the endless blue sky. Grey clouds rolled in as the minutes went by.

_Thump._

He breathed in deeply.

_Thump._

He was a fool.

His eyes drifted over to the basket, brushing his fingers over the lid. Did he even need it?

_Thump._

An annoying bubbling in his gut told him yes, he did.

Sitting up and lifting the lid, his eyebrows furrowed at what was inside. Not because of the apples, cheese, the small bag of nuts, or the soup in a sealed container. No, it was of the star-shaped charm on top of the foodstuffs. It was blue—like Aqua's eyes—and lined with silver. The mark that she wore on her chest rested at the center. But one piece was missing, and the tips of the star were plain. It was not yet complete.

With tentative fingers, Xemnas picked it up and inspected it. She left it in the basket by accident.

_"An unbreakable connection!"_

It felt heavy like a burden in his hand. From his…_other_ memories, he knew what this meant to her. Meant to the other warriors of the light.

Touching it felt like he was tainting it.

He heard rushed footsteps back up the overlook. There she stood, breathing a little faster than usual, eyes wide at her realization and horror.

"I uhm…I forgot I placed my unfinished wayfinder in the basket…" She said, cheeks red.

He held it out to her, ready to be rid of the burden. "Take it."

She snatched it, coveting it in her hands. "It's not done yet and I was going to work on it…"

"Up here?" He said, an eyebrow raised.

"Yes. Up here. Well, I was." She turned on her heel, attempting to leave.

Oh. Right. His transgression earlier. "Aqua," he called out to her, his voice bordering on a croak from his throat being dry.

She paused and turned back around. "Huh?"

He supposed he should apologize, but…Why should he? Why was he even bothering to be more pleasant?

This was confusing. Hearts were baffling and fickle. Xemnas concluded he was better off without one.

It must take incredible strength to have one.a heart.

"I must…Apologize for my…" He stopped and turned away.

Aqua stood there, mouth parted in awe. Was he trying to say he was sorry for being so expectant? She chuckled. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

_Thump. Thump._

His cheeks burned at her laughter. He had no clue how to proceed. "I believe it is I who should be showing you gratitude for your small act of pity towards me."

She frowned.

_Thump. Thump._

He did it again. His words stung no matter what.

"It wasn't out of pity you know. I did it because…" She paused. No going back. "Because I see the light."

"The…light?" He asked.

She smiled and winked. "You'll figure it out." She left, leaving him to his own devices once more.

Eyes narrowed, Xemnas kept his stare where Aqua had been standing only a mere minute ago as he took a bite of an apple.

The sun had set once again. Lingering in the moonlight, Xemnas snapped his fingers again trying to summon a dark corridor. With patience, he eventually pulled from the deepest darkness in his heart and brought forth a full-fledged portal.

"Finally," he breathed. He could leave at a whim. He could go wherever he wanted, away from any potential conflict with Keybladers. Isolation coming to him once again.

He took a step forward and stopped.

Why was he stopping? Why? Why.

_Thump. Thump._

_"It might be a different route, but I am fighting the darkness."_

Looking up, Xemnas chuckled to himself. "What light indeed."

_"I'm not so sure. You shouldn't put yourself so close to the darkness."_

He snapped his fingers, the portal vanishing. He sat down against the rock face. What could he do, now that he was pulled out of the deep abyss by Aqua of all people?

Some rustling in the bushes snapped him to attention. The moon as his only light made it hard to see. Did he even have a weapon still? He had the darkness, that was enough.

No more sounds after a while. The deafening silence lulled him to sleep.

The dry early morning light blinded him. Something golden shimmered in the corner of his eye. Blinking the world into focus, he reached out for the irritating object. A key.

A plain skeleton key. Not a keyblade for once.

Looking up, he saw before him a door that hadn't been there before in the mountain overlook. Windows of stained glass framed it on both sides. "Most intriguing," he mumbled in his haze, standing up. He pushed the key into the lock on the door and opened it up. Within was a white and gold room to match the exterior—and interior of the main castle of the Land of Departure. A bed was placed against a wall near a dead fireplace. Tables and chairs in the center of the room with a bookshelf opposite the wall with the fireplace.

Her footsteps alerted him without fail. "I made it…Using the keyblade."

Xemnas turned around to see Aqua resting her shoulder against the doorway.

"In case you want to stay…" she added, her cheeks pink in her own shadow casted by the rays of the sunrise.

"It will do," he said, still looking at her cheeks in curiosity.

She stared at him, expecting something else.

"…You have my gratitude," he added after a moment of thought.

With a smile, she closed the door slowly. "Stay for as long as you want."

Alone in the room upon a mountain in the misty morning, Xemnas sat down at the table. An empty book lied on the smooth wood. It was black and leatherbound, just like his old journals in the Organization.

Ah right, the Organization. The original one. It felt like so long ago he was at the top of his throne, commanding all beneath his reign. Only one member of Organization XIII ever came as close to his throne's height, and for good reason.

The keyblade, a truly marvelous weapon.

Only capable hands could have created this small house he was in with it.

He opened up the journal and picked up a pen. What to write. What could he write? Everything that happened since his first defeat? The second defeat? His banishment to the eternal darkness? Perhaps he could even write what it feels like to have a heart.

It must take incredible strength.

He pressed pen to paper, writing the first words that came to mind.

_Lonely._

_Pain._

_Frustration._

_Stressful._

_Irritating._

_Heavy._

_Burden._

_Pounding._

_Light._

He gripped his pen tight in his fist, eyes narrowed at the offending word. "Truly a marvel, the heart," he mused out loud, still glaring at the ink-imbedded paper.

Hours passed. A knock came at his door. He stood up, closing the book and shoving it into his coat's inner pocket. He opened the door.

_Thump. Thump._

It was Aqua with her basket in hand. She presented it to him with much vigor. "I assume you like apples?"

Xemnas reached into the basket silently with a lingering stare at her—only at her—eyes, as he felt the smooth skin of an apple. He lifted it out, not even moving his eyes for one second and taking a bite. The juices flooded his dry mouth.

There was something about her ocean blue eyes that took his focus from the sweet apple. It was like a window to her heart.

"It's certainly…Not abhorrent of a fruit," he answered.

Aqua tilted her head a little at his comment. "May I come in then?"

He stepped aside and gestured her inside. "Be my guest," he said.

She set down the basket onto the table, reaching in and taking out a small bowl with a half-melted ice cube in it. Within the ice was a bunch of small mochi, colored a teal blue wrapped in small pieces of plastic wrap.

"Sea-salt mochi. We just got some," she said. "I was…Wondering if you wanted to try one."

He sat down across from her. "Like the sea-salt delicacy?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Her choices, her acts of pity—no, kindness. The way she acts around him as if she had been dealing with an old disgruntled friend she was begrudgingly helping, what was all this nonsense for? Why pity him so much?

_"Because I see the light."_

"Why Aqua, are you doing all this for some heartless nobody who inflicted pain and rage upon you?" He asked so bluntly he expected a flinch.

She looked up from her small fire spell melting the ice, eyes wide at the question. "What?"

"Shall I repeat the inquiry?"

A moment of contemplation. She bit her lower lip, lost in her thoughts.

_Thump._ _Thump._

"To be quite honest you remind me of…" She looked down at her fingers. "Not Xehanort obviously but…"

"Ah. Of course." Of course, he would remind her of someone else. Her friend.

"And when I pulled you out of the pond," she continued, her hand reaching for her pocket. "I felt light in your heart amidst the darkness, similar to his own heart. I didn't want to make the same mistake twice." Out of her pocket was her wayfinder, still not entirely finished yet.

He looked away. He remembered her mistake.

_"I've been to the same worlds as you and I've seen what you've done."_

"I see," he said.

How to proceed from there?

"I believe there is a good light in you, but I did see you trying to use the darkness to leave."

His hand twitched at the mere mention of his attempts to summon forth a dark corridor. "That is none of your concern."

She sighed. "Alright. I will leave it be." She took a bite of the mochi and handed another unwrapped one to Xemnas.

He took a bite. "Intriguing flavor," he said, inspecting the ice cream mochi with a keen eye.

A smile grew on Aqua's lips. "Salty but sweet."

_Thump._ _Thump. Thump._

Eventually, the sun began to set over the horizon. Aqua picked up her empty basket and proceeded to leave. "I will see you again, right?"

Xemnas wondered what exactly he was feeling. He didn't want her to leave, it almost…Hurt? This was unlike the pain he felt when he finally gained a heart of his own. This was _wanting_ and _yearning_.

"Indeed," he answered, leaning on his hand, eyes still on her. She closed the door behind her.

There was something about Aqua that he was...fond of? Was that the correct term? But was it his inherited memories? Or was it his emotions that he also inherited? She knew darkness intimately well. Too well.

Sad, that his emotions felt fake. His heart had nothing to go off of save for those precious memories. Conflict between the thoughts, the observations, the feelings he had between his time as an apprentice and the time he spent as her other friend.

His darkness reigned still. He wouldn't let it go, not yet. It was power to him, a crutch he cannot go without.

When daylight came again, Xemnas looked over his journal; the same offending words were still the only things written in ink. Something about them being so concrete made them more irritating to look at.

The light of the sun dulled. Overcast came. Then rain pelted the glass of the two front windows of the small hobble.

As fast as the rain came, it went. Aqua had not yet returned. He stood up and opened the door to take a peek for any signs of her, or any sound of her footsteps. The dirt was now mud. Pulling on his coat, he closed the door behind him.

It was past noon. Where was she? He took one careful step forward, peering over the edge of the overlook for any footsteps in the muddy pathway.

_Pat pat._ Her footsteps were a relief.

"Xemnas?" Aqua's voice said behind him. He turned around to find her with an umbrella in one hand and her basket in another.

"You have arrived," he said, indifference on his face.

_Thump. Thump._

"Of course I did. I did promise, didn't I?" She said, a smile on her lips once more.

She stepped forward to hand him her basket so she may put her umbrella away.

It felt like everything happened all at once and yet time slowed down.

Aqua hadn't noticed the rock in the beaten path that had a slippery side. Her foot slid on the angle and she lost her balance. Falling backward, in her haste she dropped her basket and umbrella and latched onto Xemnas' sleeve, trying to anchor herself steady. He was not expecting to be a counterbalance so the sudden weight pulled him down with her.

The end result was the large man on top of her in the mud. The scent of rainfall lingered in her hair. It was overwhelming to his senses.

His mistake was moving his head too soon over her face. For a brief, brief moment his lips brushed over hers.

_Thumpthumpthumpthump._

Eyes both wide, the two remained unmoving and unflinching as their lips separated almost as soon as they met. Xemnas pushed himself up, hands on either side of her head. He rolled off of her, sitting up as his lips tingled with the lingering sensation of her soft lips against his.

Aqua laid there in the mud still in shock. Her cheeks flushed red, she slowly sat up. "You okay?" she asked him.

He looked away, his face burning. "Yes." Curse his heart pounding; curse his body for betraying him.

Not once in all of his memories had he experienced a sensation like that, even if it was an accident. And he wanted more.

Eventually. Right now he kept to a stone cold demeanor as best as he could.

Aqua sneezed. "Sorry."

Xemnas stood up and offered her a hand. "Before you catch cold."

She put her hand into his.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

He pulled her up and took off his coat, revealing a black tank and pants underneath. With a wide swish, he put the large leather covering over her and picked up her basket and umbrella.

As the duo proceeded inside the small house, Aqua turned to look at him for a brief moment. "Your eyes are changing color. It looks good."

He wanted to shut down and not say a word for her compliment; keep up his cold demeanor. But Xemnas found, in his heart, that he could not. He could only smile when he was sure she wasn't looking. He leaned over his side looking for a reflective puddle in the mud somewhere, trying to see what exactly she was talking about.

"They're bronze," she added. "I wonder if your eyes are becoming brown."

His face could not have become any hotter than it already was. "I...I suppose."

"Oh, right, did I drop my wayfinder?" Aqua asked. "I hope I didn't lose it in the rainwater."

"Allow me," he said, turning around and there it was, glistening in the pale blared out sun, was a blue wayfinder. Leaning over to pick it up with his bare hand, it still felt heavy in his grasp, but something else curious about it caught his attention. His newly-bronzed eyes inspected it. It was completed, with one more star tip added. But it wasn't blue, it was black.

Black to represent the darkness that once harmed her—consumed her. The very same darkness he wielded in his free grasp.

Perhaps…Perhaps he didn't truly need it after all. After all, the light in his other hand was connected to her own light.

And it was warm and bright.

"It's right here, intact," he called back to her, still carrying the wayfinder in hand.

"Thank you, Xemnas." Her face was still flushed, but she was grateful all the same.

He cracked a half smile for her as he placed the wayfinder in her hand.


End file.
